SO, I WAS COMING TO THE END OF MY DAILY CONSTITUTION (I TRY TO DO AROUND 10,000 STEPS SINCE I'M OTHERWISE DOING ABOUT 17 AROUND THE HOUSE) WHEN I SPOTTED A DOG ON A LAWN. WHEN I CAUGHT UP TO THIS SCARY-LOOKING PITTBULL-ish LOOKING CREATURE, I THOUGHT HE WAS OWNED BY THE HOUSE WHERE I FOUND HIM SNIFFING AROUND. THE OWNER OF THIS HOUSE CAME OUT & TOLD ME FIRMLY THAT NO, THIS WAS NOT HIS DOG AND NO, HE DIDN'T LIKE THE LOOKS OF IT AT ALL.
SO, I WAS ON MY OWN. I BEGAN TO FOLLOW THE DOG AND ENDED
UP ON ANOTHER NEIGHBOR'S LAWN. THEY OFFERED ME A LEASH,
WHICH I ACCEPTED. I CALLED UPON MY BRAVERY & MANAGED TO GET
THE LEASH AROUND THE MONSTER'S NECK.
LET ME REMIND YOU, THIS LOST DOG IS NOT A SWEET, ADORABLE CORGI.
AT THIS POINT, THE MONSTER IS PULLING & PULLING
AND PULLING WHILE I TRY TO CALL THE POLICE.
SIRI WAS UTTERLY USELESS, BRINGING UP ALL
SORTS OF USELESS INFORMATION.
FUCK SIRI.
THE POLICE I FINALLY CONTACTED WAS ALSO USELESS. ANIMAL CONTROL WAS CLOSED. I GOT HOME AND PUT THE DOG IN MY BACKYARD. I GAVE THE DOG A BOWL OF FOOD & WATER (WHICH HE IGNORED). WHAT HE DID DO IS BARK. NON STOP.
IT TOOK ME A LITTLE WHILE TO ATTEMPT TO FIND SOME HELP WITH THE AUTHORITIES. I MANAGED TO SPEAK TO SOME REAL POLICE & THEY SAID THEY'D SEND A CAR OVER. 30 MINUTES LATER, WE WALKED OUTSIDE TO MEET THE COPS. TO MY SURPRISE, THERE WAS THE DOG MONSTER STANDING OUTSIDE THE FENCE. ONCE THE MONSTER WAS IN THE SQUAD CAR & GONE, I WALKED OVER TO SEE HOW THE MONSTER HAD GOTTEN OUT.
THE MONSTER HAD CHEWED THE CORNER OFF THE GATE.
I GUESS I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU WHAT'S GONNA
HAPPEN THE NEXT TIME I SEE A STRAY DOG.