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Thursday, August 16, 2012

SPLISH SPLASH



REMEMBER THIS?



REMEMBER HOW SHE HAD THAT SECOND SET OF TEETH
THAT EMERGED TO MUNCH?



WELL THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU PLUNK YOUR ASS 
DOWN ON A TOTO SELF-CLEANING TOILET SEAT!




YES, YOU LIFT THE SEAT AND LIGHT, FLUFFY FEATHERS 
DRIFT ABOUT, DOING THEIR BEST TO THROW YOU OFF.




PLUNK THAT FAT ASS DOWN AND YOU HEAR A FAINT SPRITZING SOUND, AS WELL AS SENSING SOMETHING MOVING CLOSER TO GROUND ZERO.




TURN YOUR HEAD TO THE RIGHT AND PRECISELY SELECT THE CLEANSING
ACTION THAT'S RIGHT FOR YOU. THERE'S GENTLE AND ITS COUNTERPART. AND THAT THING YOU HEARD INCH IT'S WAY TOWARDS YOUR TANG DOES JUST WHAT IT PROMISES. THEN SELECT DRY. THAT'S RIGHT, IT BLOWS IT DRY. I COULDN'T FIND A KNOB FOR GEL OR DETANGLER ON THIS MODEL.




NOT SURE HOW LADIES MANAGE TO PRY THEMSELVES OFF
THIS LOVE MACHINE.





13 comments:

  1. Uh, I don't think I want that many moving parts near my parts.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh, try to find the detangler, norma. MJ needs that feature for her "tango-o" and gorilla armpits.

    ReplyDelete
  3. terrifying!
    This reads just like a horror story.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. but a horror story with a squeaky clean ending.

      Delete
  4. I suppose it's a step up from using my sleeve.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. well them we're just gonna have to get you back down where you belong, missy.

      Delete
  5. the day kabuki cannot wipe his own ass is the same day kabuki checks out of hotel earth

    ReplyDelete

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