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Sunday, September 27, 2020

Empathetic Evening


 Feeling so sad for President Trump and Brad Parscale this evening. 
I wish Edith could stand outside 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. 
and tell Shitstain how bad we feel for him.

Friday, May 1, 2020

NO GOOD DEED....

SO, I WAS COMING TO THE END OF MY DAILY CONSTITUTION (I TRY TO DO AROUND 10,000 STEPS SINCE I'M OTHERWISE DOING ABOUT 17 AROUND THE HOUSE) WHEN I SPOTTED A DOG ON A LAWN. WHEN I CAUGHT UP TO THIS SCARY-LOOKING PITTBULL-ish LOOKING CREATURE, I THOUGHT HE WAS OWNED BY THE HOUSE WHERE I FOUND HIM SNIFFING AROUND. THE OWNER OF THIS HOUSE CAME OUT & TOLD ME FIRMLY THAT NO, THIS WAS NOT HIS DOG AND NO, HE DIDN'T LIKE THE LOOKS OF IT AT ALL.


SO, I WAS ON MY OWN. I BEGAN TO FOLLOW THE DOG AND ENDED 
UP ON ANOTHER NEIGHBOR'S LAWN. THEY OFFERED ME A LEASH, 
WHICH I ACCEPTED. I CALLED UPON MY BRAVERY & MANAGED TO GET 
THE LEASH AROUND THE MONSTER'S NECK.

 LET ME REMIND YOU, THIS LOST DOG IS NOT A SWEET, ADORABLE CORGI.


AT THIS POINT, THE MONSTER IS PULLING & PULLING 
AND PULLING WHILE I TRY TO CALL THE POLICE. 

SIRI WAS UTTERLY USELESS, BRINGING UP ALL 
SORTS OF USELESS INFORMATION. 
FUCK SIRI.

THE POLICE I FINALLY CONTACTED WAS ALSO USELESS. ANIMAL CONTROL WAS CLOSED. I GOT HOME AND PUT THE DOG IN MY BACKYARD. I GAVE THE DOG A BOWL OF FOOD & WATER (WHICH HE IGNORED). WHAT HE DID DO IS BARK. NON STOP.

IT TOOK ME A LITTLE WHILE TO ATTEMPT TO FIND SOME HELP WITH THE AUTHORITIES. I MANAGED TO SPEAK TO SOME REAL POLICE & THEY SAID THEY'D SEND A CAR OVER. 30 MINUTES LATER, WE WALKED OUTSIDE TO MEET THE COPS. TO MY SURPRISE, THERE WAS THE DOG MONSTER STANDING OUTSIDE THE FENCE. ONCE THE MONSTER WAS IN THE SQUAD CAR & GONE, I WALKED OVER TO SEE HOW THE MONSTER HAD GOTTEN OUT. 
THE MONSTER HAD CHEWED THE CORNER OFF THE GATE.



I GUESS I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU WHAT'S GONNA 
HAPPEN THE NEXT TIME I SEE A STRAY DOG.






Friday, April 3, 2020

Tuesday, March 31, 2020

SIX FEET UNDER

THE TITLE OF MY LAST POST MADE ME SMILE. 
"STILL ALIVE." 

THAT MAKES THIS POST EVEN MORE, IRONIC? 
I SNAPPED THIS YESTERDAY WHILE ON MY DAILY WALK.


I TAKE A WALK TO INTENTIONALLY REMOVE MYSELF 
FROM THE TELEVISION AND THE BLEAKNESS OF IT ALL
AND RUN SMACK DAB INTO DEATH AND THE DEATH OF DEATH.

(YES, THOSE NEIGHBORS, WHO I DO NOT KNOW, DRIVE A HEARSE)

YOU DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE CHEERED UP, RIGHT?


Sunday, February 23, 2020

STILL ALIVE

RECEIVED THIS PHOTO THIS MORNING (VIA TEXT) FROM A FRIEND IN FLORIDA. SHE SNAPPED THE PHOTO BECAUSE THE CADILLAC CONVERTIBLE MADE HER THINK OF ME. SHE KNOWS I'VE GOT MY OLD DROP TOP.

WHAT SHE DIDN'T REALIZE WAS WHO SHE HAPPENED TO BE CAPTURING. I EMBIGGENED THE PHOTO A BIT, BUT IT GETS TOO BLURRY HERE. CAN YOU SEE THAT THE DRIVER APPEARS TO BE A GUY AND HE'S GOT HIS HAIR SET IN HOT ROLLERS? HE'S ALSO GOT ON A LOVELY PINK NECKLACE & SOMEWHAT MATCHING TOP OR FROCK.

YOU GO GURL.






Thursday, December 5, 2019

MY MOST FAVORITE GIF EVER

via GIPHY

I USE THIS AS OFTEN AS I CAN. I THINK IT MAY BE FROM SOME HOUSEWIVES SHOW, BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER. WHENEVER I NEED TO RESPOND TO SOMETHING AND PEARLS NEED TO BE CLUTCHED, THERE SHE IS AND I ADORE HER.

Wednesday, February 27, 2019

MICHAEL COHEN DAY


SITTING HERE, GLUED TO THE TELEVISION. 

Because I must sit here, I started snooping around the laptop and found I've been amassing these obituaries for ages! Time to purge!!





























And these two are not standouts because of their names, read on.




Monday, December 24, 2018

OKAY, IT'S ANOTHER CHRISTMAS



HERE'S THIS YEARS HOLIDAY CARD.
Rivvy celebrated her 13th birthday on December 2nd and died the following Tuesday. Probably a heart attack or stroke. No warning. 

SHE WAS A GREAT GIRL & A GREAT MOM.

It never gets easier.

You can't say Norma doesn't know how to bring down a room.


Sunday, July 1, 2018

HAPPY BIRTHDAY OLIVIA deHAVILLAND



and Dan Aykroyd, Diana, Princess of Wales, Debbie Harry 
and the country we'd most love to live in, Canada.



Here is my birthday gift, given to me 18 days ago.


Never accuse me of not being transparent.

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

SIGH



QUEEN ELIZABETH HAS HAD TO SAY GOODBYE 
TO HER LAST CORGI, WILLOW.

I'M GUESSING SHE'D RATHER OF PUT CHARLES DOWN.



Friday, April 13, 2018

HAS THE MISTRESS RETURNED?




I HAD TO SIT DOWN, I GOT TIRED OF WAITING.

Wednesday, March 21, 2018

WINTER WEIGHT






I KNOW WHAT THEY SAY BEHIND MINE.


Friday, December 29, 2017

HOLIDAY CAKE!



I WENT TO THE BAKERY RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO THE
HOMOPHOBIC BAKERY IN COLORADO &
ORDERED US A SEASONAL CAKE.


WHO WANTS TO MAKE THE FIRST CUT?


Sunday, December 24, 2017

WHO SAYS THE XMAS SPIRIT IS DEAD?





THE NEIGHBORHOOD CHOIR CAME OVER TO SERENADE ME.

WASN'T THAT NICE?


Monday, December 11, 2017

TWEET OF THE DAY



"I WISH JEFFREY DAHMER WERE ALIVE BECAUSE I'D BEG HIM TO EAT YOU."






(IN RESPONSE TO SOMETHING 
"JUDGE" JEANINE PIRRO TWEETED [italics are mine])