Empathetic Evening

 Feeling so sad for President Trump and Brad Parscale this evening. 

I wish Edith could stand outside 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. 

and tell Shitstain how bad we feel for him.

NO GOOD DEED....

SO, I WAS COMING TO THE END OF MY DAILY CONSTITUTION (I TRY TO DO AROUND 10,000 STEPS SINCE I'M OTHERWISE DOING ABOUT 17 AROUND THE HOUSE) WHEN I SPOTTED A DOG ON A LAWN. WHEN I CAUGHT UP TO THIS SCARY-LOOKING PITTBULL-ish LOOKING CREATURE, I THOUGHT HE WAS OWNED BY THE HOUSE WHERE I FOUND HIM SNIFFING AROUND. THE OWNER OF THIS HOUSE CAME OUT & TOLD ME FIRMLY THAT NO, THIS WAS NOT HIS DOG AND NO, HE DIDN'T LIKE THE LOOKS OF IT AT ALL.

SO, I WAS ON MY OWN. I BEGAN TO FOLLOW THE DOG AND ENDED 

UP ON ANOTHER NEIGHBOR'S LAWN. THEY OFFERED ME A LEASH, 

WHICH I ACCEPTED. I CALLED UPON MY BRAVERY & MANAGED TO GET 

THE LEASH AROUND THE MONSTER'S NECK.

 LET ME REMIND YOU, THIS LOST DOG IS NOT A SWEET, ADORABLE CORGI.

AT THIS POINT, THE MONSTER IS PULLING & PULLING 

AND PULLING WHILE I TRY TO CALL THE POLICE. 

SIRI WAS UTTERLY USELESS, BRINGING UP ALL 

SORTS OF USELESS INFORMATION. 

FUCK SIRI.

THE POLICE I FINALLY CONTACTED WAS ALSO USELESS. ANIMAL CONTROL WAS CLOSED. I GOT HOME AND PUT THE DOG IN MY BACKYARD. I GAVE THE DOG A BOWL OF FOOD & WATER (WHICH HE IGNORED). WHAT HE DID DO IS BARK. NON STOP.

IT TOOK ME A LITTLE WHILE TO ATTEMPT TO FIND SOME HELP WITH THE AUTHORITIES. I MANAGED TO SPEAK TO SOME REAL POLICE & THEY SAID THEY'D SEND A CAR OVER. 30 MINUTES LATER, WE WALKED OUTSIDE TO MEET THE COPS. TO MY SURPRISE, THERE WAS THE DOG MONSTER STANDING OUTSIDE THE FENCE. ONCE THE MONSTER WAS IN THE SQUAD CAR & GONE, I WALKED OVER TO SEE HOW THE MONSTER HAD GOTTEN OUT. 

THE MONSTER HAD CHEWED THE CORNER OFF THE GATE.

I GUESS I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU WHAT'S GONNA 

HAPPEN THE NEXT TIME I SEE A STRAY DOG.

One Possibility

SIX FEET UNDER

THE TITLE OF MY LAST POST MADE ME SMILE. 

"STILL ALIVE." 

THAT MAKES THIS POST EVEN MORE, IRONIC? 

I SNAPPED THIS YESTERDAY WHILE ON MY DAILY WALK.

I TAKE A WALK TO INTENTIONALLY REMOVE MYSELF 

FROM THE TELEVISION AND THE BLEAKNESS OF IT ALL

AND RUN SMACK DAB INTO DEATH AND THE DEATH OF DEATH.

(YES, THOSE NEIGHBORS, WHO I DO NOT KNOW, DRIVE A HEARSE)

YOU DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE CHEERED UP, RIGHT?

STILL ALIVE

RECEIVED THIS PHOTO THIS MORNING (VIA TEXT) FROM A FRIEND IN FLORIDA. SHE SNAPPED THE PHOTO BECAUSE THE CADILLAC CONVERTIBLE MADE HER THINK OF ME. SHE KNOWS I'VE GOT MY OLD DROP TOP.

WHAT SHE DIDN'T REALIZE WAS WHO SHE HAPPENED TO BE CAPTURING. I EMBIGGENED THE PHOTO A BIT, BUT IT GETS TOO BLURRY HERE. CAN YOU SEE THAT THE DRIVER APPEARS TO BE A GUY AND HE'S GOT HIS HAIR SET IN HOT ROLLERS? HE'S ALSO GOT ON A LOVELY PINK NECKLACE & SOMEWHAT MATCHING TOP OR FROCK.

YOU GO GURL.

MY MOST FAVORITE GIF EVER

via GIPHY

I USE THIS AS OFTEN AS I CAN. I THINK IT MAY BE FROM SOME HOUSEWIVES SHOW, BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER. WHENEVER I NEED TO RESPOND TO SOMETHING AND PEARLS NEED TO BE CLUTCHED, THERE SHE IS AND I ADORE HER.

MICHAEL COHEN DAY

SITTING HERE, GLUED TO THE TELEVISION. 

Because I must sit here, I started snooping around the laptop and found I've been amassing these obituaries for ages! Time to purge!!

And these two are not standouts because of their names, read on.

OKAY, IT'S ANOTHER CHRISTMAS

HERE'S THIS YEARS HOLIDAY CARD.

Rivvy celebrated her 13th birthday on December 2nd and died the following Tuesday. Probably a heart attack or stroke. No warning. 

SHE WAS A GREAT GIRL & A GREAT MOM.

It never gets easier.

You can't say Norma doesn't know how to bring down a room.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY OLIVIA deHAVILLAND

and Dan Aykroyd, Diana, Princess of Wales, Debbie Harry 

and the country we'd most love to live in, Canada.

Here is my birthday gift, given to me 18 days ago.

Never accuse me of not being transparent.

SIGH

QUEEN ELIZABETH HAS HAD TO SAY GOODBYE 

TO HER LAST CORGI, WILLOW.

I'M GUESSING SHE'D RATHER OF PUT CHARLES DOWN.

HAS THE MISTRESS RETURNED?

I HAD TO SIT DOWN, I GOT TIRED OF WAITING.

WINTER WEIGHT

I KNOW WHAT THEY SAY BEHIND MINE.

HOLIDAY CAKE!

I WENT TO THE BAKERY RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO THE
HOMOPHOBIC BAKERY IN COLORADO &
ORDERED US A SEASONAL CAKE.

WHO WANTS TO MAKE THE FIRST CUT?

WHO SAYS THE XMAS SPIRIT IS DEAD?

THE NEIGHBORHOOD CHOIR CAME OVER TO SERENADE ME.

WASN'T THAT NICE?

TWEET OF THE DAY

"I WISH JEFFREY DAHMER WERE ALIVE BECAUSE I'D BEG HIM TO EAT YOU."

(IN RESPONSE TO SOMETHING 

"JUDGE" JEANINE PIRRO TWEETED [italics are mine])