ASSISTANCE NEEDED

 DARLINGS!

OY. I'M HAVING ISSUES AND I BET NO ONE CAN HELP ME. BELOW IS A SCREEN SHOT OF THE PAGE I'VE BEEN VISITING FOR YEARS WHICH LETS ME KNOW WHEN A NEW BLOG POST HAS OCCURRED. AS OF A FEW DAYS AGO, THE PAGE WILL ONLY APPEAR AS FOLLOWS. IT WON'T LOAD ANYTHING. 

ANYONE EVER HAVE AN ISSUE SUCH AS THIS?

GRACIAS!

BIRTHDAY BLESSINGS

 

EVERYONE'S BEEN SO NICE TODAY, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

NOW WE'VE GOT TO GET THIS BITCH BACK ON THE ROAD.

HAPPY FOURTH of JULY!

LOVE IN THE TIME OF COVID

YOU KNOW HOW I LOVE EYE-RAISING OBITUARIES.

You don't even want to know the conspiracy theories this produced.

I'd say she was lucky to see 77 with that name.

What can I say?

This is my sophomoric side showing. 

Not sure how she could go through life saying that name aloud.

Only the best.

Eternal flame nominee.

The choice of photo was my reason for inclusion.

I realize that this was the paper's mistake, they put her first last name in 

the wrong place, but I enjoyed thinking her first name was Garberg & her nickname 'Bea.'

As always, I mean no disrespect to any of the included. 

I wish I'd never found their notice, I wish they'd never had to leave.

Empathetic Evening

 Feeling so sad for President Trump and Brad Parscale this evening. 

I wish Edith could stand outside 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. 

and tell Shitstain how bad we feel for him.

NO GOOD DEED....

SO, I WAS COMING TO THE END OF MY DAILY CONSTITUTION (I TRY TO DO AROUND 10,000 STEPS SINCE I'M OTHERWISE DOING ABOUT 17 AROUND THE HOUSE) WHEN I SPOTTED A DOG ON A LAWN. WHEN I CAUGHT UP TO THIS SCARY-LOOKING PITTBULL-ish LOOKING CREATURE, I THOUGHT HE WAS OWNED BY THE HOUSE WHERE I FOUND HIM SNIFFING AROUND. THE OWNER OF THIS HOUSE CAME OUT & TOLD ME FIRMLY THAT NO, THIS WAS NOT HIS DOG AND NO, HE DIDN'T LIKE THE LOOKS OF IT AT ALL.

SO, I WAS ON MY OWN. I BEGAN TO FOLLOW THE DOG AND ENDED 

UP ON ANOTHER NEIGHBOR'S LAWN. THEY OFFERED ME A LEASH, 

WHICH I ACCEPTED. I CALLED UPON MY BRAVERY & MANAGED TO GET 

THE LEASH AROUND THE MONSTER'S NECK.

 LET ME REMIND YOU, THIS LOST DOG IS NOT A SWEET, ADORABLE CORGI.

AT THIS POINT, THE MONSTER IS PULLING & PULLING 

AND PULLING WHILE I TRY TO CALL THE POLICE. 

SIRI WAS UTTERLY USELESS, BRINGING UP ALL 

SORTS OF USELESS INFORMATION. 

FUCK SIRI.

THE POLICE I FINALLY CONTACTED WAS ALSO USELESS. ANIMAL CONTROL WAS CLOSED. I GOT HOME AND PUT THE DOG IN MY BACKYARD. I GAVE THE DOG A BOWL OF FOOD & WATER (WHICH HE IGNORED). WHAT HE DID DO IS BARK. NON STOP.

IT TOOK ME A LITTLE WHILE TO ATTEMPT TO FIND SOME HELP WITH THE AUTHORITIES. I MANAGED TO SPEAK TO SOME REAL POLICE & THEY SAID THEY'D SEND A CAR OVER. 30 MINUTES LATER, WE WALKED OUTSIDE TO MEET THE COPS. TO MY SURPRISE, THERE WAS THE DOG MONSTER STANDING OUTSIDE THE FENCE. ONCE THE MONSTER WAS IN THE SQUAD CAR & GONE, I WALKED OVER TO SEE HOW THE MONSTER HAD GOTTEN OUT. 

THE MONSTER HAD CHEWED THE CORNER OFF THE GATE.

I GUESS I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU WHAT'S GONNA 

HAPPEN THE NEXT TIME I SEE A STRAY DOG.

One Possibility

SIX FEET UNDER

THE TITLE OF MY LAST POST MADE ME SMILE. 

"STILL ALIVE." 

THAT MAKES THIS POST EVEN MORE, IRONIC? 

I SNAPPED THIS YESTERDAY WHILE ON MY DAILY WALK.

I TAKE A WALK TO INTENTIONALLY REMOVE MYSELF 

FROM THE TELEVISION AND THE BLEAKNESS OF IT ALL

AND RUN SMACK DAB INTO DEATH AND THE DEATH OF DEATH.

(YES, THOSE NEIGHBORS, WHO I DO NOT KNOW, DRIVE A HEARSE)

YOU DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE CHEERED UP, RIGHT?

STILL ALIVE

RECEIVED THIS PHOTO THIS MORNING (VIA TEXT) FROM A FRIEND IN FLORIDA. SHE SNAPPED THE PHOTO BECAUSE THE CADILLAC CONVERTIBLE MADE HER THINK OF ME. SHE KNOWS I'VE GOT MY OLD DROP TOP.

WHAT SHE DIDN'T REALIZE WAS WHO SHE HAPPENED TO BE CAPTURING. I EMBIGGENED THE PHOTO A BIT, BUT IT GETS TOO BLURRY HERE. CAN YOU SEE THAT THE DRIVER APPEARS TO BE A GUY AND HE'S GOT HIS HAIR SET IN HOT ROLLERS? HE'S ALSO GOT ON A LOVELY PINK NECKLACE & SOMEWHAT MATCHING TOP OR FROCK.

YOU GO GURL.

MY MOST FAVORITE GIF EVER

via GIPHY

I USE THIS AS OFTEN AS I CAN. I THINK IT MAY BE FROM SOME HOUSEWIVES SHOW, BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER. WHENEVER I NEED TO RESPOND TO SOMETHING AND PEARLS NEED TO BE CLUTCHED, THERE SHE IS AND I ADORE HER.

MICHAEL COHEN DAY

SITTING HERE, GLUED TO THE TELEVISION. 

Because I must sit here, I started snooping around the laptop and found I've been amassing these obituaries for ages! Time to purge!!

And these two are not standouts because of their names, read on.